Come Back Dave W (and other fallen Comrades)

Comment by Neil Alexander on February 25, 2010 at 8:39am

Anthropomorphic global warming is an indisputable fact and the greatest threat to the world since Hummers were invented. It must be addressed by every cyclist wearing fluoro... sorry, flouro clothing and body armour while cycling.

There, that should bring him out of the woodwork, shouldn't it?

Comment by yogi on February 25, 2010 at 10:02am

DaveW was an asset and a top bloke .. if I agree with his writing or not... IS NOT THE POINT. his point of view was sometimes refreshing and sometimes comical but always good. check you coat in at the door.

Comment by Rob Russell on February 25, 2010 at 10:49am

Is he missing? Is he real? I thought he was either made up or some kind of online anti-logic-bot. In any case, bring him back!!

Coincidentally I was just thinking the other day how much DaveW annoyed me with his condescending, know-it-all-attitude, his lack of respect for other people's thoughts and his general pig-headedness. Yet I kept reading!

Comment by Neil Alexander on February 25, 2010 at 10:49am

Damn. I made a mistake there and Dave didn't jump on me immediately. Is he really reading these posts, Kyles?

Should have said "anthropogenic"... not human-shaped.

*slaps wrist with wooden ruler*

Comment by yogi on February 25, 2010 at 11:18am

http://www.leftlanenews.com/gm-to-shut-down-hummer.html

Comment by Neil Alexander on February 25, 2010 at 3:01pm

Dave will be mortified, Yogi!

I loved the comment from Andy (quoting The Simpsons):

Hummer was a great brand, it was a big F**K YOU from the US to the rest of the world…

Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..

Canyonero! Canyonero!

Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It’s the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!

Canyonero! (Yah!) Canyonero!
[Krusty:] Hey Hey

…Canyonero!

12 yards long, 2 lanes wide,
65 tons of American Pride!

Canyonero! Canyonero!

Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!

Canyonero! Canyonero! (Yah!)

She blinds everybody with her super high beams,
She’s a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!

Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero! (Yah!)

Drive Canyonero!

Woah Canyonero!

Woah!”

Comment by baa baa on February 26, 2010 at 7:52am

Decision to Stop Making Hummers Saddens Assholes

Douchebags Seek New Way to Compensate for Tiny Penises

DETROIT (The Borowitz Report) – General Motors’ decision yesterday to stop manufacturing Hummers has struck at the heart of the group who loved the vehicles most: America’s assholes.

Across the nation, leading assholes spoke of a sense of loss and sadness caused by the decision, and suggested that they would now be searching for new ways to compensate for their small penises.

Tracy Klugian, a realtor in Tempe, Arizona, said that he would consider buying a boat with an annoyingly loud sound system, “but it just won’t say ‘asshole’ like a Hummer does.”

Mr. Klugian, whose penis has been described as “microscopic,” also questioned the timing of GM’s decision.

“Right now, the Hummer is the only thing on the road capable of stopping a Toyota,” he said.

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

Comment by MadameBike on May 19, 2010 at 11:02am

I wonder whether DaveW was really a cyclist at all. Perhaps he was actually a Hummer driver all the time and all that global warming he was causing has resulted in him melting........and maybe his computer melted too..........and his black and white chequered safety vest......and.....his motorbike.....and........

Comment by MadameBike on May 19, 2010 at 11:06am

Actually Neil, your Hummer song lyrics remind me of these (nothing to do with DaveW though!):
Folks, Id like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me, about you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Maybe below the cockles,
Maybe in the sub cockle area,
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
Maybe even in the colon, we dont know

Im just a regular Joe, with a regular job
Im your average white, suburbanite slob
I like football and porno and books about war
I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar

But sometimes that just aint enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no, no way, uh uh)
No I gotta go out and have fun at someone elses expense
(woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole)
Im an asshole (hes an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat?"

Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole)
Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
While handicapped people make handicapped faces

Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole)
Im an asshole (hes a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldnt be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe theyre right when they tell me Im wrong
Nah

Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole)
Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)

You know what Im gonna do
Im gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
And all leather cow interior
And make brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah)
And Im gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
And when Im done sucking down those greeseball burgers
Im gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then Im gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side
And there aint a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why, because weve got the bombs, thats why
2 words, nuclear fucking weapons, OK?
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
They can have a big democracy cakewalk
Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square
and it wont make a lick of difference
Because weve got the bombs, OK?
John Wayne's not dead, hes frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer
Were gonna thaw out the duke and hes gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why,
Have you ever taken a cold shower, well multiply that by 15 million times
Thats how pissed off the dukes gonna be!
I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes,
and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey,
and drive down to Texas and say.....

(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole)
Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)

A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Everybody
A-S-S-H-O-L-E

Im an asshole and Im proud of it

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